And a good morning to you.

Its around 4:30am and I'm sitting here, listening to Christmas music with the love of my life, just being silly and enjoying the early morning of Christmas Eve. I feel like this year will be a good year. I got my grades back too. A-, B- and C. Not bad at all for this semester. I worked hard and now its time to sit back and relax for the holiday.

  I must say this is one Christmas and New years I'm actually looking forward too. I get to spend it with Chris. It'll be the first Christmas I've had in the last couple of years. Things are starting to look too. Just a small update of my break and how things are turing out. Write back soon. :)

End of the Semester

 I can't believe another semester has flown by. I can't believe I'm almost done. I get excited yet nervous just thinking about it. Only a few more days left til I'm off for winter break. I'm starting to get a bit scared though. I hope my grades are good. Then again, I don't hope, I feel that my grades are good. I did work hard this semester and I didn't even skip class as much. Only twice. With each semester I get better at not slacking off. Only my grades will tell if going to class paid off.

 So lets see what I have up for this semester. My first exam is today. I'm not so freaked out about it. I feel as though I have the material covered, so I should be good, right? Next week its 3 more exams than lastly a paper to write. I'm just taking it day by day and not trying to freak out. Staying clam, thinking in simple terms is what helps me get through the most stressful times. Though now a days it him that I think about that constantly gets me through my days.

 A few things I am excited for. One: my mothers birthday is tomorrow. How I miss her so much. I can't wait to see her. Not only that, but my Charlie comes home later on that night. I soo can not wait to be in his arms. Thanksgiving break with him was amazing and I know that Christmas break will be even better. Wow, it'll be my first christmas in a while and I get to spend it with him. :) Makes me look in more forward to it. lol, I even have a christmas tree in my apartment. Go figure.

 There is so much more I wanna say but so little time to say it. (Exam 1 in an hour). Many thoughts are flying through my head. Grades, Christmas break, family, some friends, me. I guess I'm just anxious to be done with this semester and start a new. Lol, I should be studying, I should be focused, but I'm already in that Christmas break mood. But I even though I'm stressed out, I'm fine. I fell like everything is going to turn out okay. Its always a feeling I get when I doubt myself, I'm calm like peaceful feeling. Yea, I think things will turn out okay.

The good and the bad

 -sigh- I must say that this was probably one of the best Thanksgiving breaks I've had in a long time.  I got to spend it with my baby. The good and bad things about break:

  Good: I finally got to see my boo. :) Such a great week with him too (Though I feel as though it went by really fast >_<). I am truly a lucky women. I've never felt so connected and in love with someone as I do with him. God had truly blessed me with being with this man. I got to meet his family and friends, all of who I've come to really really like and connect with. I can now see where he gets his sense of humor, lol.

Bad: I didn't get to see my Family. It wasn't like I didn't want to. I was able to go home, but the result of that would of been being stuck down there til Saturday in which I would miss a few days of seeing my baby which, and even though this sounds wrong its how I feel, I couldn't allow that to happen. He was only here for a week. (Which he'll be here soon again n_n)

  Its only 2 more weeks left now for this semester. I can't believe it. Im a bit nervous but, I'm excited as well. I want this semester to be over. Thanksgiving break wasn't a good enough break. Well...it was, but I wish it was longer. Christmas break is right around the corner. And seeing him again is soon around the corner. I can't wait to be in his arms again. :)

  Til next time.

お元気ですか？

 Its been what? 4 or 5 months since my last entry? Well thats what happens when life gets in the way. Hmm.. what to update on?

 School: 3rd year now. Wow, time really has gone by when your in college. I just didn't think it would go by this fast. I finally declared my major. Asian Studies. The classes are becoming more interesting yet even more intense.  Though I'm keeping on top of things.. sometimes I feel lost. Or if what I'm doing is something I really want to do. Depression sure has a way of talking to you. But I can't let my doubts get the best of me. No one said it was going to easy know did they? And besides, isn't that was makes life really interesting in the first place? To go through the good and the bad, to have the experience, to go in blind?  I can make. Only 1 (maybe 2) more years to go. Lets make the best of it. :)

 Relationship: All I can do is smile and warm up just thinking about him. His initials: C.C, His smile: breath-taking, he draws me in... he takes of my mind. I learn from him as he does from me. I can sit there and neither one of us have anything to say and it'll be just as amazing as though were talking. I guess opposites really DO attract huh wolf? ^__^ I get to seem him in 8 days. I'm soo excited to! The more I think about the more anxious I am. I can't wait.

Me: 21 now! WOOT, well I've been 21 for a few weeks now but, it feels so damn good. "I'm a big kid now", lol. Also finally got my license, it took me long enough too. But hey, better late then never.  Met new people, tried new things, changing up my image and I've even started drawing again. I'm slowly coming together each and everyday.

Life in general: Live it the best way I know how. Pushing myself, for once trying not to worry so much, let things take their course.  I know this is a short update and pretty brief but its something to start with to get back into blogging again on the regular. Til next time

What do you do when it rains?

 Hello Blogger,

   I dear say that I am sorry for not keeping touch with you on a daily basis. I've been so busy this past month. Where shall I begin?

  I passed all my classes which I'm so happy about. I feel as though this has been one of my most stressful semesters here at U of M, but it won't be the last. That's for sure. Now spring term is just right around the corner and I feel that it will be a good semester. Since mostly all the students have gone home, I feel as though I can focus more and relax as well. My job has been going great as well, I'm more in tuned with everyone I work with and I've gotten to have a better relationship with my boss as well. She is an amazing women which I enjoy so very much. I'm saving up money now. It's my first goal of the summer. No one senseless spending on things that I want, not on things that I need.

  I feel as though my life is slowly coming together. I know what I want to do now, I'm just taking it day by day. I chant as often as I can. I enjoy it. It makes me feel so much better. Since my boss has introduced me to chanting I feel as though it clams me down and brings me to a different life. I try not to worry about everything that goes on in my day to day life. I try to think of things in a positive manner. I want to build myself to be a stronger person. 

 Last weekend was probably the first weekend I truly had fun at home. I spent Friday and Friday night with my Mom and Grandmom, had some laughs while we watched some movies together. Then Saturday I got to spend the day with my good old friend, Leo. We went to the D.I.A (Detroit Institute of Art) which was lovely. It's always been on of my favorite places to go and it still is to this day. After that we went over to his fathers house, who by the way is a very nice man. Watched a few movies then got dropped off at Jasmines house. The next day I hung out with Jasmine and Ameer. I swear they both made my day. Nothing but laughs and straight up fun. No drama or anything like that. They both cheered me up and always do. I'm glad to have them in my life. 

  Seems like I pretty much updated you dear Blogger. Until next time.

What are your plans for this summer?

 Only two more weeks left and it's the end of the semester. I feel as though I'm going to throw. So much is riding on me just getting through this term. I can do it right? Ugh.. I just want it to be over with. I miss Brandon. I can't wait for him to be back up here and for me to be in his arms again. I miss Jasmine too. It's been forever since I last saw her. She takes my Stress away just like Brandon does when I'm around them.

  I wish the semester was over now.

Anyone up for being friends?

Well today sure was an interesting day. I've come to realize I've got alot of anger and other emotions bottled up that is slowly starting to release itself. Which to be honest I'm so glad now. This year has not been the greatest I believe. But I'm trying to make the best of it. But now? I'm starting to not give a french toast anymore. That's right, I'm slowly starting to change me life. That includes the people I do hang out with now and those who I use to hang out with it in the past. I realized that I'm actually glad I got out of my city and into college. It's opened up so much for me. And it's also made me realize that some friends that I thought were good friends, really weren't.

 It's time I moved on and find some more friends. Only two or three people from my old town and life will remain in my new and current one. I will not speak of them because they know who they are. My old friends will never change. I noticed that. Their doing the same old thing they've been doing for the past two years since I first left for college. And I've made new friends that are actually doing things with your life. I'm glad I've moved on or I would of been stuck there doing nothing with my life.

   Its time for me to change and shape up my life. Its time to start a life with a new me. ^___^

Brief Update

2 finals to prepare for, 1 skit to memorize, 3 grades to worry about, 4 weeks til the end. So much is on my plate right now. Getting my grades up while I can. Working more hours. Getting things ready for Spring and Summer as well as the 1st semester of next school.

  So much that has to be done and so little time. >.< Time to put my running shoes on and start this race til the end.

How are your classes? What are your goals?

I'm in a chipper mood today. A good mood. My grades are better than I thought, go figure. I'm losing weight (Yay) and I'm starting to think in a positive mood as well.

My goals by the time the semester ends:
* Get at least all B's in my classes, Maybe an A in Animation if I keep everything up.
* Get my freaking License! I'm 20 damn years old, I will not be 21 without a license, I refuse!
* Continue to save my money (Which is working finally after 3 years, lol.
* Loose weight, well more like keep in shape.
* Work on myself as a person.

I know I can complete all these goals. Lord give me strength, lol. Ready. Set. GO!!

What was your day like today?

First day back from spring break, yay! Is it strange that I'm actually happy at the fact that I'm back in school? Maybe, but then again when you don't have a car nor the funds (Broke college student) it can be pretty a boring break. Boring? Yes. Relaxing? Very. Even though it may have been boring it sure was a break that I needed. Then again who wouldn't need a break if they been going to school straight out of high school? I'm not trying to brag or seek attention. (I try more to avoid attention really).Then again when I think about spring break was more like a tease. I do enjoy sleeping in. Though now that I think about that, I don't even sleep in as much. I can barley stay asleep past 10am. 9:30am since last week. Other thoughts on my mind? School, grades, future, my life.

6 more weeks til the end of the term and the end of my 2nd year here. Wow, I'm going to be a junior soon. Excited? Yes, Scared? Very much so. I am looking forward to no one really being here for summer though. 4 beautiful months of a just about empty campus. I love here being in the summer. Warm, no one really here, beautiful.

Other thoughts on my mind? My future, and what the hell I want to do with it. I still have two more years but still. Its scary. Lets see if I can really make. I know I can because I can see myself in the future, doing things. I can do this...right?

Brandon...-smiles-. He and I are strong as ever regardless of how our lives are at the moment.. I still get though butterflies in stomach when I think about him. Sweet? yes, Corny? I think so. Some times I'm still amazed how far I've come from being who I was back in high school and who I was with. To be honest? I wouldn't try to changed anything that has happened to me in my life. I'm content where I am for a moment. Whether than thinking of the things I want but can't have right now, how I want me life, I'm thinking of how far and what I do have in my life.

Random thoughts. Just random thoughts. じゃ。

Feeling stressed out and out of place?

むずがしい。
　Difficult for those who don't speak Japanese. That's where my life is at right now. In another difficult standstill. Expect now, its effecting everything. School, social life, relationship, wor-- wait, not work. I'm doing pretty well in the area. Then again, I did just get a raise for my hard work and plated smile on my face every time I walked it those doors. But, I actually love my job. Great hours, very flexible, boss is amazing, great people I work with. My class? There getting there. Japanese? Great. Animation? Wonderful, though tons of work, though worth it. Anthrobio? >___> Thats another story, though I am trying. (Not that much of a science person to begin with).

Now as for my relationship? Man do I have to work on that. Why in the hell is it so hard? I think because of my former boyfriend, that I am now incapable to open up like I use to. And its effecting the current relationship that I'm in now.. Hmm, Try to get help? Nope, that's out of the question. I'm too damn stubborn for that. I'm too independent for that and I think thats one of my greatest faults, my pride and independence. Maybe because the former relationship had ruin so many things for me that I'v lost part of who I was? And now in this current relationship its costing me dearly? Lets the list out all thats going on: Communication, Dependence, Openness, etc.

Dependence: I was always taught as a child growing up that its best to be independent, to not to rely on anyone so that way you can do what you want. I still think that. So yes, its very hard for my to depend on someone now. I love my independence, I love taking care of myself. Then again it is nice to have someone there to rely on from time to time. So why is it so hard for me to be a little dependent when you want to help me and I push you away? I don't want to be let down again. Its not your fault, I'm aware of that. I'm trying here. But thats not good enough is it? LOL, you tell me that I say that all the time and now I'm eating my own words. Karma is a bitch.

Communication: Another huge contradiction. I want someone that can talk to me about everything, yet, I can't even open up my damn mouth and say whats on my mind when you ask me. Funny, ne? Very. So much you want me to say yet I can't bring myself to open up and say it. I'm a mute though everything I do say is in my mind. If you were a better mind-reader, this would be a prefect relationship. Yet no, this is something else I also have to work on.

Openness: My other fault and something else I seem to forgotten how to do. Your open to me so why haven't I opened up to? Another great question which I'll have to answer sooner or later.


Maybe something in me snapped a year ago? For me to shut down so much of myself and to distance myself now. Not like me at all. I use to smile, I use to laugh. Now? I'm mostly serious, and bitter. Man I want my old Teya back. The one who was laid back and didn't care too much. I have to regain myself, my old self that is. For starters, I'm going to open up myself again and start letting myself heal. And Your going to help me, won't you, Otto? Because you love me too damn much to let me go and the same feelings for me apply to you.

Lets get to work, ne?

What's on your mind?

Well.. it certainly has been a long while since I last wrote on here. Just how long has it been? 2? 3 Years maybe? So much has happened within those 2 or 3 years and even trying to condense it would STILL take about an hour to tell. But who cares about all that? The past is the past, I've learned what I needed from it and now I've moved.

College girl now. You think that would be great ne? Well, your right it is great in some aspects but then it also has it faults. Like for say sitting here in this boring as call right now wanting to be home with Brandon sleep right now. ^___^ Brandon, my mobile heater I call him, lol. But then he's more than that. He's the one I'm going to marry, well actually engaged. ..wow, I'm engaged, again. Thats wonderful isn't? Or at least I think it is.

Anywho, back to Brandon. So much comes to my mind when I think of him. -huge smile on my lips- Who'd of thought that by doing something soo wrong thought by many others could make me feel soo happy? (Way to be sarcastic!) Then again I was pretty nice person back then. Now? I still think so, though sometimes I cover up that dark side of me. I'm known for being pretty good at.

Well this seems to be a pretty good time to stop. Just wanted to get the feel again of writing down something for may random people to read. (Awesome ne?) One of these days I'll start writing these blogies in Japanese. (べんきょしましょ！！）Til next time. (More like in a few hours)

じゃ