Saturday, April 27, 2013

A random venting session

Hello Fellow Bloggers,

      A random update on things here in LA. Its been 6 months since I began working for the Salvation Army. Just been working and paying off bills and, I guess began having the familiar feeling again. You know, the feeling of constant routine where you feel like your getting somewhere, but your not? Yeah, stuck. Been through it before and now I'm going through it again. Soon though, that will change. I'll be finally coming home (Michigan) for a short visit after moving out here to LA over a year ago.

     I could really use the vacation too. Things between the roommate and Chris and I is not getting better and now he's putting us in the position that could really screw with anything. Here's a  little bit about our roommate. Male, age 24, Libra (unfortunately), and is a singer and supposedly actor. Moderately attractive, smart and is funny. The downside? Competitive, emotionless, straight up asshole. The only reason I agreed to live with him? Easier travel with my job. Other than that? I would of never agreed to live with the guy. I mean, its like he sucks the life out of the room when he walks in. It didn't help that he lived with a couple though. I can understand where he comes from on that part, but still, you knew what you'd be dealing with when you agreed to live with one.

   Maybe I'm saying all this out of pure anger. Yup, it has to be pure anger. Part of me feeling I shouldn't be venting, but damn it, I need some form of outlet. I can't exactly speak to anyone how I feel. Maybe its because I'm so stressed. Yup, stressed, stuck and angry. I can't seem to get on top of anything I planned on doing since I'm supporting someone else. I keep telling myself that its fine, that he would do it for me if it were the other way around. There's no doubt that he would. I just, I just feel like being on my own again.

  I'm missing my identity. I think that's the huge problem here. I miss that total independence I had while I was on my own in college. Since moving out here, I've lost that and I completely hate it. Why I haven't said anything to my significant other? Out of obligation really. Because I'm in a relationship, its part of the package. Why all of this is coming up now? The fucking roommate of ours. Because he decides to up and leave earlier than he told us. What I make right now barley supports two people as it is. Now I have to worry about a place to stay on top of all this?

  Its because of this situation that I now notice how unhappy I really am. How stuck I am. What if I'm not cut out for this long term? I always thought I was, but my actions in the past have proven otherwise. I guess I just don't have faith in him. I can see the reason behind that though. We both think differently on different aspects of life. His is so, pure, its sickening sometimes. I like to think on a realistic approach. Weight in all the options and expect all that could go wrong so that way I can be prepared. A great tactic I learned from College as well. Him? Positive on just about everything. Yes, I doubt him, I won't lie on that. What does he expect? For me to not stress that we could potentially be homeless in a few months? He's so busy in his school so how could he see what I see?

    Ugh... still frustrated after venting just a bit. Hmm, time to get home and fire up this hookah.

Session End.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Counting the days

    Well been about 3 months since I last wrote something here. Happy New Year to all and I hope everyone has started off the year well and is continuing to do so. For me I've been doing pretty well. Working and paying things off slowly, but surly.

  In other news. I'm now 10 months into my transitioning. All natural hair now and it looks awesome! I'm so glad I decided to go through with it too. My hair is stronger, thicker and its just all around better. Its still a learning process, but I've pretty much gotten the hang of it now. Now to wait patiently for it to grow even longer.

 I'm not to happy with myself for putting a pause on working out everyday. It's been a month now since my last workout, but I plan on changing that and sticking with my workout like I want to. I mean I gained 10 pounds. I can't believe it. I need to learn how to stop this stressing and stick with this plan of eating healthy and working out for at least 4 times a week.

  Hmm... what else in news? Oh! I've booked my plane ticket and can finally go home for a visit! I'm super excited too. I miss everyone and it'll be more than a year since I last been there. I'll be there from June 30th to July 7th. A week, but it works for me. All that's left is to get my vacation days approved. :)

 Hmmm, other than that, nothing else to report. This was a quick little update. Alright, peace.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas!/ 6 months update

 To all, Merry Christmas!

   I can't believe its been 6 months since moving out here to L.A. Since my last post, I've been working hard at my new job, paying off bills and getting things in order for things to come this new year.

  Oh that's right, I got a new Job back in Mid-October. More like the best Birthday Gift ever! After 4 months of looking and feeling like things are looking grim, I got a job doing something I want to do. I work as an Receptionist for a Transitional Housing Facility through The Salvation Army. I love my job and its pays well right now. I'm able to get things into action now and work on a few payments.  Speaking of payments, I also began payments on my school loans. XD Ahh to be an adult! lol. But hey, its life and since I have the money to pay, I might as well make the payments now.

 I've been doing alot of thinking too based on what I want to do with my life since graduating from College earlier this year. I decided that I want to continue with Japanese. Its a passion that I always loved doing since I started learning it back as an Undergrad. Now that I'm done with Undergrad, I really want to pursue it. It's also something that I always wanted to over come as well. After the new year begins, I will begin studying again and then work my way from there. It's a slow process, but I want to make a go at it again.

 Also since getting the job, Chris and I moved from Long Beach and now reside on L.A with this friend, EJ. Sometimes I can't stand him and the way he is, but its something I gotta deal with now, ya know? Plus, its a easier commute too. 

 What else is going on in my life? Hmm.. nothing else right now. I stopped working on drawing since working and I'm getting back into working out now as well since starting my new job too. Just going to work, saving money and slowing making my way to getting some where in my life when it comes to what I want to do. I'm excited for the new year, that's for sure. Need to start making plans and getting things in action. :)

Monday, October 8, 2012

"Its the most wonderful time of the year"

 Good evening fellow bloggers,

  Another update on whats going on it my life. Still doing my daily routine. I miss a few days of working out, but I'm making up for them eventually. I'm kinda in a rut at the moment though. While I am getting better at thinking positive and working on my goals and such, I'm getting a bit down on looking for work. I've been out here for about 4 months now, well it will in on the 15th and I've given it alot of thought. By the end of December, if I don't find work, I'm going to move back to Michigan, or maybe some where else.

  I can't afford it much longer out here without some flow of income coming in at a steady flow, ya know? I knew it was going to be hard, but damn. I've been doing alot of reading and it turns that along with myself and friends who've graduated this year, 12.1 million others are in the same boat as man. I never thought it was that bad, yea know? But then again I was in College and had a job thanks to work-study. How I miss that work-study, lol. I just gotta have faith that I will find something. I much as I do hate this place, I don't wanna leave Chris. I've waited a freaking year and half to be with him, I can't just turn in now after all this time. And.. the thought of even moving back home and going back to LDR, scares the crap out of me. Idk if we will actually last if I do go back. I want us to, but given how things were going near the end of our LDR, I don't want it to be the thing that ends our relationship, especially when our 2 year anniversary is coming up! This Thursday. I can't believe it. This will beat my 2nd longest and and 3rd serious relationship. This one has been the toughest too. L.D isn't for everyone so I'm very proud we were able to make it. :)

 Besides that, I was finally able to go to the movies and see a few: Looper, very good by the way, I recommend it and Resident Evil: Retribution, as a very good. Probably the best one out of the series. And last night, I saw Cabin in the woods: I still don't know what to say about that, and Mirror Mirror, which I loved by the way. Juila Roberts did an amazing job as the queen.

 As for drawing? I'm currently practicing my anatomy of both male and females and such, I'm taking a break from my current picture that I was working on. Other than that, just making it through everyday.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Taking back my life back!

Hey hey,

   So..been a few days since my last post and thought it was time to come back and update ya on whats been going on since that post. On the job prospect, I didn't get the Victoria Secrets gig, but eh, I'm not bummed about. Just move on and continuing my job search. And as for school, I'm taking a year off before going into the Animation program. But moving on!

   Since then I've been slowly taking back my life. I had it with being depressed and just plain old sad. Since they I made a list of goals for me to work on that I said I would work on:

  •  Begin working out daily. 
  •  Eat right.
  •  Work on my Photoshop skills.
 The list may be small, but its better than nothing. Its been two weeks since starting and I've been feeling great. I still have my moments, but I'm getting through it with a positive attitude. My art is slowly progress. I've been doing intense research and have been practicing everyday for an hour at the least. This is how my days usually play out. 

   A Day in the Life of Teya.
  • Wake up around 7:30am - 8am. 
  • Eat breakfast. (Usually with some fruit and tea, maybe a cup of coffee here or there.)
  • Do my Revabs work out for the day.
  • Shower and dress.
  • Spend 2 hours applying for jobs.
  • LUNCH. (Again something along with fruit.)
  • Research and draw. 
 I must say its slowly improving with each coming day. It keeps me productive and I feel great while doing. I know times are tough and I know everyone is trying their best to make it through each day. Determination and motivation. Key to getting anywhere you want in life. 

 Just a mini update of whats going on so far. Now back to this picture. 

 - T

Friday, September 7, 2012

With time we all heal.

    A bit of an update from my last post. Things have gotten a bit better. I got out of the house and have been staying here a variety of friends here and there. Some old while some new. I realize I still hate this place, but I'm still adjusting..

   As for job prospects I'm still looking, but I'm not giving up. I just might have a gig at Victoria Secrets. I had my 2nd interview this past Tuesday and I think that it went pretty well. I'm currently playing the waiting game to see if I get the job or not and I hope I do. I can't keep living off of credit for ever.

  I did finally, with the help of Chris, start my goals list. Work out everyday, draw for an hour and a half a day, etc. Its starting off good, slow, but good which is a good thing.

  While I am getting things together, I still feel off... I still depressed. I'm trying to shake this off and get myself together, but I can't help it. I want to start working. I hate being unemployed. All I can do is wait. Wait and pray for a job.

  Until then? Continue my workout plan, eating right, drawing, and mastering this language slowly but surely. With time my wounds will heal.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

California Update

 Been 9 weeks now since I've moved out here to California from Michigan....and I hate it.
   I should keep reminding myself that plans you think will work, won't sometimes.

What started as a stay for a few weeks at this hell of a home turned out to be, and it still looks like its going to be, a permeant residence. 

The plan was simple: once I moved out here I'd find work and begin saving so Chris and I could move out from under Pete and his two girls. But due to this sad excuse of an economy and even having a damn degree, no such luck and still looking for a damn job. So what have I been doing these past 9 weeks? Living in hell. Let me tell you a little bit about the people I'm living with. Peter Coward is my fiancee's, Chris, cousin. Pete has two girls, which I will refer to them as V. and A. V is 6 and A is 10. Both beautiful little girls, but spoiled as shit, but I'll get back to that soon. First let me begin with their father.

 Pete is a 46 year old, single, teacher. I can't stand him. He is a sorry excuse for a human sometimes.
   How should I put it? How about starting off with his characteristics. He's very inconsiderate. Example: eating up someone's food thats not his, speaking loudly on the damn phone in the living room, early in the morning I might add WHERE Chris and I sleep, repeating shit until one of us responds, lie like we can't tell see right through him....the list goes on. I do appreciate him allowing me to stay here along with Chris while we try to get back on our feet. But that is the only thing I am grateful for... Another thing: not very clean at all. I label Pete as a "Denied Cleaner". This is a person who thinks he can clean, but only does the MINIMUM of cleaning. Doesn't really know how to do dishes, nothing is really organized, I guess this is to my standards. Another, CHEAP. Everything this man brings into this house is cheap. Cheap food, cheap cleaning solutions, etc. We went through 4 cheap sponges before I went to go and buy a REAL sponge. Same with the fucking dish soap... No wonder nothing in this house last forever and no wonder he is so fuck broke, constantly gonna go and buy more cheap shit that doesn't last long. Another: WASTEFUL. This is a man whole will cook or bring food home, put it in the fridge and keep there....for 3 to 4 weeks. I thought that I would never seen BLACK Mac&Cheese before, but I have now since scumming to living in this apartment. I never truly feel clean here and never will. The other night, after buy Pine-sol and some other REAL cleaning materials, I super cleaned his kitchen and bathroom. Kitchen: Fridge, stove, floor, dishes, organized the dishes, food, etc. Bathroom: Cleaned the dirty as toilet, bathtub, floor, organized, etc. The next day? The girls come back and he and them FUCK UP EVERYTHING. What was the fucking point? No one in this house likes to keep anything clean. No point in telling Chris to put his clothes away, I'll just see them all over the living again. No point in cleaning anything. Everyone will just destroy and no bother to clean up after themselves... Im slowly going crazy everyday I end up being in this house.... and now on to the girls.

 Like I said before, Pete has two beautiful daughters, A and V. V is 6. Only that comes to  mind when I think about here is Adorable. She's full of life and innocence. Just cute and my favorite. I feel sorry that she has the mother she has, but I am glad Pete took her and has full custody of her. Sure she has her bad characteristics: spoiled as all, whiny, and sometimes doesn't listen, but she is at that age where she is learning. I have no problem watching her and taking care of her. Its her older sister that I seriously have problems with and really can't stand.

A is 10. And a brat from out of this world. Thanks to the situation she's in, she's come to act like a drama queen who, from learning from her older sister, to bully and be mean to her younger sister. The sad thing is that its not her fault. I just wish she be nicer to V and stop acting like its all her and stop being sneaky. But of course, she's at that age where she's trying to be older than she is and tries to be super sneaky which I can't sand. I really don't like at all and I don't think I ever will. I really hate having to watch or anything for that matter. I don't know why this feeling of super dis-like is soo strong with her. Its starting to get hard to hide my feelings about her or for anything for that matter. Only soo much I can fucking take before I explore and go off on everyone and leave this fucking house. I don't care if I have to move back to Michigan. I go back with my head held high and suck in my pride and all the I told you so's and you shouldn't have left. I'd rather deal with that than deal with another minute of this shit.

I just want a job. I want to get out of here. I want to leave this hell hole and this annoying fucking humans... I will go off. No more holding shit back. Thanks for sure....

-sigh- It feels good to go off like that. I rather go off here than to Chris or anyone else right now. I don't want to hear what anyone has to say. Yes, I'm being selfish right now, yes I'm being mean, all that evil stuff. I could care less. I'd rather go off on this blog about my problems and not be judge than go off on someone else. This is the real me coming. I miss living alone. I miss the super clean of my apartment. I miss the quietness, the total control and having things. I miss all of it.

 I think its time I go home, but I don't want to. Not just yet. But soon, if nothing changes because I seriously can't take this shit anymore.

   All I can do is pray... just pray