A random venting session

Hello Fellow Bloggers,

      A random update on things here in LA. Its been 6 months since I began working for the Salvation Army. Just been working and paying off bills and, I guess began having the familiar feeling again. You know, the feeling of constant routine where you feel like your getting somewhere, but your not? Yeah, stuck. Been through it before and now I'm going through it again. Soon though, that will change. I'll be finally coming home (Michigan) for a short visit after moving out here to LA over a year ago.

     I could really use the vacation too. Things between the roommate and Chris and I is not getting better and now he's putting us in the position that could really screw with anything. Here's a  little bit about our roommate. Male, age 24, Libra (unfortunately), and is a singer and supposedly actor. Moderately attractive, smart and is funny. The downside? Competitive, emotionless, straight up asshole. The only reason I agreed to live with him? Easier travel with my job. Other than that? I would of never agreed to live with the guy. I mean, its like he sucks the life out of the room when he walks in. It didn't help that he lived with a couple though. I can understand where he comes from on that part, but still, you knew what you'd be dealing with when you agreed to live with one.

   Maybe I'm saying all this out of pure anger. Yup, it has to be pure anger. Part of me feeling I shouldn't be venting, but damn it, I need some form of outlet. I can't exactly speak to anyone how I feel. Maybe its because I'm so stressed. Yup, stressed, stuck and angry. I can't seem to get on top of anything I planned on doing since I'm supporting someone else. I keep telling myself that its fine, that he would do it for me if it were the other way around. There's no doubt that he would. I just, I just feel like being on my own again.

  I'm missing my identity. I think that's the huge problem here. I miss that total independence I had while I was on my own in college. Since moving out here, I've lost that and I completely hate it. Why I haven't said anything to my significant other? Out of obligation really. Because I'm in a relationship, its part of the package. Why all of this is coming up now? The fucking roommate of ours. Because he decides to up and leave earlier than he told us. What I make right now barley supports two people as it is. Now I have to worry about a place to stay on top of all this?

  Its because of this situation that I now notice how unhappy I really am. How stuck I am. What if I'm not cut out for this long term? I always thought I was, but my actions in the past have proven otherwise. I guess I just don't have faith in him. I can see the reason behind that though. We both think differently on different aspects of life. His is so, pure, its sickening sometimes. I like to think on a realistic approach. Weight in all the options and expect all that could go wrong so that way I can be prepared. A great tactic I learned from College as well. Him? Positive on just about everything. Yes, I doubt him, I won't lie on that. What does he expect? For me to not stress that we could potentially be homeless in a few months? He's so busy in his school so how could he see what I see?

    Ugh... still frustrated after venting just a bit. Hmm, time to get home and fire up this hookah.

Session End.